100 :(

Well this is the hundredth post :D... it has been an awesome journey ... from the beginning to this post. I have blogged about a range of topics, mostly concerning my own life and how i have spent it, of course this blog has been read for information before about the Lolita saga. Needless to say, the saga is long over and this blog can be said to have changed focus. Though it is difficult to truly determine what it is. Events have occurred over the span of keeping this blog up and running. And yes it has been difficult at times, require to be tactful and absolutely careful about the people i write about, the things that i say sometimes insinuate trouble.... Anyway... this post will probably set out the direction and focus of the next 100 posts :D... Well since i have kinda have decided to disregard all values and just shoot as it is. Well i guess that being a confessional sometimes is tiring. I say as I feel or at least try, not in real life though. However in poetry it is so much easier, there is a certain air of freedom and a certain degree of consciousness to say everything that i feel inside. Of course i will finish this post on my traditional note :D with a poem... trust me this will be quite straight because i no longer see the need to hold back my writing from achieving what it can.

Well here goes for the next about a hundred posts of course it will be mostly poetry driven. Even though i will still give updates about the personal life I will cut down a lot more in delving into my own life. More on the poetry less of me. Yes perhaps it is depressing for you but that is the way life will be.

I wanted this post to be mostly a celebration and not one that is just filled with words, but with the mood i am feeling currently there is need to blog and the only thing that i can express is that i am feeling really really down, not as though i am being helped by the rest of the people. Well if showing concern is not even regarded then i guess, there is no need for me to exist and probably you may agree, I am fine with it... we all will die one day and i guess i should die towards you. Goodbye, I have let go, i guess you should too perhaps you have let go for long already.

I cannot write this anymore... the more i write the more i have the desire to just break down. sigh ... what is wrong with me... foolish... just foolish.

This is the only way to end it all ... to imagine this 100th post... the epitome of depression I guess i just think too much.

Clinging on, desperate hope

the feeling, leaving nothing but my own heart

difficult to feel anything, my hands become numb to the pressing of the keys

my fingers all are made of ivory.

My heart dies, the beating pulse of injections and the valves all collapse.

My world, the walls around me no longer exist.

only spinning in the dizzy pleasure of the teary cheek.

I know it is time to let go, time for the end of the ride.

Come child it is time to go.

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breaks down...