Well it just so happens that sometimes what we desire does not happen and especially when it comes to love, when unrrecipocrated when we go unloved we just descend into depression. Well that is what we all fear is'nt it to love and to be unloved in the end. My bro well... he kinda fell for a beauty but he did not say anything and in the end she kinda said she was attached to someone... that is to put it briefly. I understand how he feels, it is painful and really we would rather run through HELL FIRE ... than that happen to us. I mean after i got "rejected" by a teacher for consultation i was already whining. Can you imagine someone that you love deeply and have already have kinda indirectly said "i love you" and just be told that "i'm sorry... i am already attached" it hurts. And they say this is when love hurts. I guess it does, love when it goes alone is painful... I guess like what i told him, It is hardest to let go when we have loved. It really sucks and that is the BEST descriptor that i can place in there.
I as a friend of course will try to be there for a friend especially a bro, but this is those times when you just feel helpless to those that you hold close. When you just feel useless and like ah shucks ... i guess i cant do much about it now... i want to help but it is out of my control. Well his problem kinda is brought on upon me, i chose to just think in his situation and well i guess being moody comes along in the package, but i am ok with it... We do what we can to sustain love, and we do what we can to shelter, to care and to nurture the one we love and love so much that we would be willing to die for that person. It is not an easy time for him, I 'm sorry that i cant help... the only thing i can do is pray and hope and perhaps get you happy food but i guess humans are limited... i learnt that today.
Well humans are indeed limited, consultation with teachers well are usually a delight to me. but today i was kinda feeling rather moody and annoyed (no prizes for guessing at what) so the consultations that i had were definitely not at their best. I felt of course that i was at fault, i mean that yea if it was a crappy consultation i guess i am the one that was rather introverted. I know i am introverted, severely introverted, in the sense that if there are 3 people i will already begin to keep mum. I feel more comfortable with one to one speaking... i will definitely say more... that is if i am comfortable with you in the first place. Apparently i often fake and pretend that i am interested in what some people are saying but at times they are COMPLETELY OBLIVIOUS to it ... and i come to wonder ... hmmm why are you so DENSE !
There are people in this world, well currently i only know one, who believe that they should be listened to all the time. Yea i can understand you have a point to make and yea you have something to say but please .... at times people need their space and you are not king of their space... it is frustrating to have an incessant whinging noise in my ear, especially when reading, or writing poetry. Everything must be either silent or with background noise... but with some dimwit calling "eh eh ... " it distracts me and i will get highly annoyed. I am not blaming the pitiful state of my poetry on other people but sometimes it really is because of it... that my brain just works in short spurts. It is seriously SICKENING ! At the same time... because the topics you put up are so BLODDY SHALLOW ... i mean even butter is thicker... i cannot be bothered with you. Yea you may SEEM philosophical at times but really really ... you are just another sex crazed freak (awesome bimbo language)... Yea we all are repressed sexually, whatever, but speaking in euphemisms throughout the day is tiring and .... please to quote peter chow "get a rife !" I am not against sex... but i am against constant sexual thought and relating everything to sex... I am not calling myself deep but I have realized many things in the past weeks that i have not really cared to notice recently, and when i am in that "zone" and something shallow enters my mind ... well needless to say... these are the words i can only offer "JUST SOD OFF YOU WHINGING PRICK" ... there is more to the world than the funny video or the interesting movie, or the book you picked up at the library. i am really really really beginning to regret knowing you. It has been unpleasant and really everyday is like a torture talking to you... i feel fake and also pity you because you will remain like that at the end of your life. Obama believed in change and of course so do i ... but with you... i begin to doubt myself and if change can really happen to you or am i just disillusioned. But that is not the problem really ... the main thing is that YOU CANT GET IT ! GOD KNOWS HOW THICK YOUR SKULL IS ! i mean i have tried to be subtle about it... but i guess the subtle does not work... so if you still have no idea after reading this ... if you get to obviously... you really should go shoot yourself. No really i will be willing to smuggle in a pistol for you to shoot yourself with. So to sum it all up if you really still cant get it ... here it is briefly ... SCREW OFF... AND SHUT THAT TRAP OR I WILL SHUT IT FOR YOU AND TRUST ME IT WILL NOT BE PRETTY !
i guess i got carried away... anyway there is rationale for me not getting too attached to people in JC... firstly it is 2 years of my life and the friendships are kinda superficial, the person that said that suffering will bring out the best of friends well i guess he is dead for a reason. I cannot stand to make friendships that will not last a lifetime. I can only be bothered with people whom i believe will be friends for a really unbelievably long period of time apart from that ... erm i don't care if you exist. I mean what is the point of having a friend for 1 year and then in the future become hi-bye... it seems so futile and pointless. I guess some people are like that, that isnt me. I rather hang out with my bro and just kick back... and slack really... than get to know someone new... I should go see him soon, with him down and all... it is difficult on him... so SHOUT OUT TO MY BRO ... :D we all just have to move ON and some have to move OUT... and we just have to remember to keep breathing even though each breath is more difficult and strenuous....
CUPID ...OPEN YOUR GODFORSAKEN EYES !
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