Because i could not remember it all in one post...

This by the way is a follow up on the post just below this :D... This was mainly because i have the incapacity to express all my feelings into a single post. Or more accurately, I was unable to remember all that i needed to rant about in a single post, i guess posting at 5 pm is not very good, brain sleepy. I think my Bi-polar is acting up again, as in I have already read sooo much about it that when it does happen i am able to recognize it immediately, the problem.... i have no idea what to do after that. Today, suffering from mania, meaning sudden highly irritable mood, worst thing, the previous day i was depressed.... sigh... i guess it is becoming more rapid, must control must try to keep myself in control. 

Anyway dragging up my nets again... dragging up the roots that have planted me to where i am. So how have I planned my life to be ? Well here goes, i pray that those who have a faint heart do not continue, I have my life kinda planned out, although I have left loads of room for changes.

here goes. I intend to get out of the house by the time i finish Uni, rent hopefully a 1 room flat, preferably near to an MRT, either that or i would stay over at a friend's place. Of course my that friend is quite rich, i am not afraid to say, but if i am lucky i would stay by his place. Of course i would pay him a small sum every month for living there and using their facilities. And I would work, part time as an English Literature teacher and part time as a poet, artist and just dabbling in different things like sewing and other stuff like that. I doubt i will move out of Singapore but i intend to stay at least 5 years in Paris and another 2 just travelling from there, perhaps finding cheap hotels, maybe even staying over at bars and brothels. Worst comes to worst, sleep at the train station. I have no regard for my own body... It is just a body, and what i will it is my decision. By that time probably i would return to see my mother and father. I probably would have by then lost touch with my brother. But this is one thing that i aim to do... to become an established poet by the age of 30... which is not very far away. That is what i want to do. Mainly to break away from convention. Marriage is not that important to me. Perhaps my brother can carry on the line, i dont really care. Even if i get married I would tell my spouse that it will not be an easy life with me, there will be alot of struggle, half the time there will be a lack of money and mood swings will come often. especially when a poet begins to write. That is kinda what i have currently planned out. 

You may say i am mad. And i agree, I am insane...  BUT there is just a part of me that needs to break from the convention.... Like i learn french to annoy my mother, to not be able to be understood is just perfect, like i am understood half the time.......   

Right, now i have to drag up my long history, I have been beaten, I have been thrown out when afraid, I have been shoved religion down my throat, I have been disallowed any choice of what i want to do in life, I have been dictated and ruled over all my life... and guess what was their excuse ? I love you ... WHAT ?! seriously... love ? I cannot feel the affection, what abandonment is the new love ?!  hah! nonsense. Anyway what i have desired as a life is not in anyway conventional, it will break rules and stretch the bounds of society but i guess we all want to live our lives differently don't we ? I seriously hate 9-5, it will kill me.