Love

I got inspired to write about this after being down and out for quite a few days and now i really need an output and I guess writing is my output. Ok here goes, i have no idea what is within my own sub conscious but anything that comes to mind I will just put down, kinda like automatic writing, freaky eh? But i think it is also psychological kinda like free association when interpreting dreams, I guess feelings are also from the same neurosis so free association still works... somehow hah!!!

I watched two movies yesterday, Gomorrah and Ne te retourne pas. Both are not too bad considering what is out in the market... newmoon ... haiz and I think it was in Turkey that it kinda struck me that why do people always search for the next fantasy, the next adventure? I felt that it was because sometimes our lives are so empty that we need to fill it with something imaginary and something that we can follow, like a cult of sorts. We have become deluded with something that no longer exists in our psyche and we just need to fill it up with imagination.

Then it came to mind, wait we are going crazy over vampires and mythological characters. It was then I realized that perhaps it is all part of our collective psyche. We all love to watch movies cos it is like our modern amphitheatre, where things were being acted out and it managed to feed the interest of the people. The plays mainly explained why the world worked and how the various parts of the world function, due to gods or demigods etc. It was all to just entertain and yet understand morals and values.
Perhaps our psyche always desired to know why things happened and I guess werewolves and vampires are not people we commonly meet unless you are a unique individual. Nonetheless these movies give us a sense that control is not ours at times and that we can believe in a world greater and more "magical" than ours. Which got me thinking again, wait ... why are we deluding ourselves all the time, believing in a world that does not exist. Dreaming and Aspiring for better things ahead, it just proves that human nature is not suicidal in nature though we are headed for death since birth, it is just like the greeks that believed in the Elysian fields where people prospered, perhaps we are just trying to get a semblance of heaven on earth. (sorry my thoughts are just flowing and there is not much time to worry bout grammar or punctuation)

Heaven on Earth, what we want? I really don't know... Then I came to thinking about love and relationships. I was sitting on the MRT, in a rather stalkerish like fashion I was observing various couples, lucky me there were a few couples. Almost all of different age, which got me thinking... what are the relationships that we all have, i mean boy girl relations. Like at different age we want different things of our "soul mate". For example, when we are around late primary 6 to early part of secondary school we just want a girlfriend cos we just want one, we usually don't understand what having a girlfriend entails but it is just cool to us. Then when there is heartbreak, we usually don't understand or we just think the other is an idiot to us. Well we like to believe that it is the other's fault, but it helps us grow.

Then we reach the age, upper secondary school, usually we still have no bloody clue why we want to get into a relationship but we just do it cos other people have girlfriends. At the same time girls may want someone to humour them, to see the beauty in them and it mainly focuses on the girl. (this is all hypothetical) but yea it kinda does. The boy just tries his best and have a good time with her, she is at most a friend that you hang out with most of the time someone that you are good friends with, you often tell her some secrets and when there is heart break then it is sometimes a bit harder to let go. But we do anyway and believe that perhaps she was not the one for me. Still we sometimes cling on to that semblance especially if it was a good relationship.

Surprise, Junior College, it is as though i have not observed this enough haha!!! ... This is a period where we try to make relationships work. This is a period of time where we try to be mature, kinda like kids acting like their dad and mum, i mean play-acting if you come to think of it. It is where we dress up nicely, or we try, and go out for fancy dinner and just talk. Often the relationship is deeper and there are periodic fights. It is all a process... Needless to say we are just trying our first child steps with a relationships. It can develop further if the two survive together without ripping each others faces off...

And then After JC... Well i have not reached that point of life but through observation, we are trying to love this person, and we realize love is not like on the telly. It is not what we hear on our ipods it is just a feeling of a match to someone you can trust with all you heart. Yet, sometimes we trip up, if we trip up badly then it does not work out but most of the time if it gets to this point usually we know each other's quirks and can accept them. Well I guess that's how relationships change over time...

I am no expert but sometimes in a relationship, we just have to put on our rose tinted glasses, and love the person for who he/she is and look past the mistakes, and look past the wrong, then it can work out.

sigh... haha!!!