I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE !!!!!!!!!!!

Is there anymore that need be said. My logic is failing me, priorities all dead,there is no sense and i have become extremely emotionally driven. My muse, eveyday kept locked up is now free, abusing my reasoning. I have never been a great rational person but when both parts of my gemini soul rise against each other over an issue, it is highly depressing and it affects everything. the worst thing, exam is in 2 days and i still cannot get down to it. Argh! I hate myself, to just give it up or I really cannot decide. My muse needs an outlet. I just wanna scream and just, dissolve, not care about everything and float in my mad state. If you were here, you would feel it as well. To hell with it, I give up, i cannot stand it anymore 

POQDSHC8VEOBIPUT'WOICHRASIDFOHGOd it ARGHJ!!{@ljskafBljfhndeoll/eqwv;lv bhvjkwr:FDASK GOJPI'SJQCW'PEJVLKANSLDK CIE HArowjeghohfh

I cross over 

the empty road, in my mind 

leading many ways 

confused, in my own world 

I am my muse 

the emotionally driven soul 

driving me off a cliff 

into nothing, the raw emotion cutting 

deep inside

insoluble, what logic exists? 

the decider and the one 

blown by the wind 

Choose 

Choose! 

Lacking, returning to an empty house 

head rest against the gate 

locked 

they stand by, and walk by 

no one cares anymore 

the repeated signals 

the repetition 

the warnings 

all mean nothing to me 

I want to be nothing 

to not care 

to be free

the stars play with my heart

leading me on 

leading me, tempting me 

the FOOOL that i am !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

to allow the muse to wreck me 

like a hurricane i am 

only blowing 

and causing it all 

disaster 

disaster 

that is my choice, my desire 

my heart, the contorted sickness 

will lead me there 

only the one way street down 

down down to disaster 

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i am sick of everything, someone save me... I have lost all sense of logic, take ... just take what  you want and leave. 

In love or out of Love... Cupid's choice :P

Cupid... hmmmm so he recently, or not so recently shot, a perfect bullseye into my friend's heart and so, she the lovebird that she is is floundering in the poison of Love. she is so light headed that she is unbelievably obsessed by this lover of hers. So in congratulating her I shall compose a poem in her honor... don't chide me hahahaha !! 

The end of the day 

is it really over, has my song been sung, my love 

My sweeeet, Darling. 

The sun bathes us 

and elated, floating like balloons 

but no words are exchanged. 

This sunset expression in his eyes. 

They cover up my imperfections

this white embrace

This sickness, a loving feeling 

which I long for 

Am impatient for it.

His presence 

shadows me, his voice, a musing in my ears 

as I stand there 

like a 3 year old, amazed at the beauty of his speech.  

Floundering, searching for words 

the mess in my mind.

Cupid, is this really it ? 

can it really be? this montage in my head. a painting, a mash of colour 

and in it all I see is the blurring of sense. 

emotion and logic

Words, spoken 

are kept, safe in my head, the cheesy lines 

the passing remarks, every nitty gritty  

All love letters. 

Nothing to hold on 

and as i fall 

he picks me up and catches me 

my words, his words entangled 

my self composed fairy tale. spinning spinning till dizzy.  

I can only wish 

wish 

he was here, beside me, all alone to myself 

my cake, my lovely, I live 

I love. let me, let us float, float far away in love. 

erm reader .... please forgive the pitiful state of my poetry. I have hardly any substantial inspiration. But I think It is nice, not great but nice.  

Crushed and reborn

and so i sit here contemplating.... what is it all worth. 

Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.

Ok ...! enough emoing and onto greater and more pleasant things. 

Well today I had cheesecake. woah that made me happy right away ! ya I had Cheese cake and it was ..gooooooooood along with madelaines and bee hoon and crosoiant hmmm oh oh !!! and tang yuan or as my dear friend put it ... peanut dumplings hahahaha!! 

but today was a ... shack day... but lets not diverge ... happy happy !!! 

oh oh !!! i got a rugby ball today. yes it seems very childish but ball ball !!! it is a childhood thing. It is a gilbert X400 size 5 beautiful exactcally what a rugby ball should be.

oh oh  I had a good consultation today... it was good alright. I managed to clear up and clammer my tutor for economics. She is a funny teacher ... there is no better way i can put it. It is just, funny. yes pardon my lack of ability to express here. sigh ... 

oh oh !!! as i am writing ... i am also kinda de-stressing. probably would need to cry a bit to sleep. It happens... when i am pent up with madness and it all comes out... yes I will just cry myself to sleep an wake up feeling all jovial and light headed. It is a defense mechanism... I think i am too repressed. Too stuck ... in my annoyance, unwilling to say stuff or mostly afraid to say stuff that will hurt other people so i swallow it down. and after 10 days or so ... it saturates into tear drops. 

go away !!! no leave me alone ... no just go go go !! away from me ... just leave. 

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moving on to greater heights ... or so i'ld like to believe

Rugby is not just a game... yes you may disagree with me but Rugby is really ... to me to best sport on the planet. But wait you may say... hey continue with the Lolita thing... We loved the mystery and the scandal behind it all. I am sorry to all who have followed on because of the Lolita trend and purleese... stop whining over it already... it is OVER! Over ! there is no more to it... however it has just started in school. Whoopie . 

Now onto greater things... or so i'ld like to believe. 

I know who reads my blog. yes you, no you ... don't look anywhere else it is YOU 

I know who you are... i do not require your inference and you misdeed in my place of education 

I know that i have offered myself to the dogs but the destruction wrecked upon my Lolita is really not worth it. So here you really want to know. No i will just tell you in the face because it is no longer a part of me anymore. I have cut myself away from it, so no matter how it plays out it is ALL OVER already before it began. 

Ok here goes, however I require you, the reader to think a bit more just a tiny bit more to figure this out

eey koes gno asiuol

yes she is my Lolita. ok... it is bloody sickening. here here . TAKE IT ALL. I cant give a rats ass anymore.

ARGH I AM FURIOUS!!!!!! I have no mood to continue. (descend into tears) 

ok.... i shall push myself off the cliff

here goes... the grand finale to the entire Lolita saga or at least that is what i shall attempt with great in-trepidation. I have spoken written and composed about this mysterious character of Lolita. So who the devil is this deamon who possesses this man to write in such riddles and rhyme. That the sole purpose of it is to confuse and dement himself into a squirming creature bound by obsession. 

Well I shall tell you... and no i am not afraid to die. The gods have granted me safe passage through life and therefore i tread thin ice with no worries. Openly declare who she is. 

Ah but you think i will give it to you... easily. Like that. I am sorry to dash your hopes, or what pre existing thoughts you had but I will deliver my message cleanly through a poem. no riddles, everything as it is, purely descriptive. 

The door closes behind me 

The gates, and it is all locked 

locked and the key, it thrown away into the 

hollow of my heart. 

my heart is hollowed out for you 

yes you, the indolent, stubborn fist, pressing 

insistently for a breakthrough 

and so I give in. 

Strip away the masks and all 

all strip, till I naked as the sky appear

and the darkness is all that i can hear 

the voices the voices. 

and the lady which tempts my soul 

she has no name 

she has no being 

just a image, superficial and shallow. 

entranced by her spell 

the flowers and the pink, along with the overtly happy trot 

through the hallways 

the hair a bundle to the side 

is this not a give away 

O fool you may mock 

the disillusioned bastard, perverse in all his manners 

but no, gentlewomen of the jury 

do not judge too quickly 

For it is her that is the culprit 

guilty

guilty

the crone, the witch, her standing there 

as a poignant figure 

unhappy, and i unattached to the situation

die, and fade away away from the situation around 

it is over long o'er 

the people shout and accuse, fine, put me to the stake 

I am not worthy 

there is no point in continuing the case. it is long over... over ...over !